the Edge of my Desire

The swirls and tumbles in my mind is often clouded

Clouded with ‘wants’ or ‘needs’ I really can’t put a finger on

Creative aspirations constantly linger on

I learnt early, that finesse, not power, moves mountains

I have since longed for that spring of the finest finesse-fountain

Still hard to come by

My sub-conscious is greater than my consciousness

The layers of flaws, is often shadowed by impending greatness

At the same time, I constantly find ways to spread myself thin

I once met a beautiful stranger, she was a fan

Crucial to my art, but confusing to me

How could she be a fan

When this stranger barely knew me

Halfway within the conversation, she became really tough on my expressions

Walked out of the diner, and left me guessing

Returned within minutes and said, I’m sorry, let’s start this all over again

I respected her guts, and still do

But what I couldn’t wrap around my sphere of thoughts was

I was more important to her, than I was to myself

My worth she saw

But my flickering hurts in life, was all I often sawed

Reminding me of where I came from, but still not completely mapping where I need to go

Amongst pals, I’m the voice of reason

But within me, there’s treason

I’m in a constant coup with the emerging man inside of me
So much I want to be, the world has no space for all these me

I’m stuck between ‘the guy at the bar that half the crowd want to know’

And the invincible being that is ‘just’ a friend and nothing more

Never been religious, never will

I just believe in right, wrong, good, bad, nothing superstitious

I’ve done a lot of my bid at just the start of my twenties

Not sure if there’s much left

Feeling that if I don’t make a mark soon, it’ll all slip through my fingers and poof!

Disappear like some of my peers

I still have my ‘yesterday’, my ‘tomorrow’ is where the confusion lies

Not every song has a good riff, not every restroom is infested by flies

I keep a good circle
But sometimes I feel so far from that circle

And they’d never tell what’s lurking in my radius
Too busy waking up the neighbors every other weekend

The only time I live in the moment is when I’m writing
The world blurrs, and my brain begins dispensing

I’m not sure why I write, so I long for a writers block

I’ve met one fourth of all the men I’ll like to be
But I’m still searching for the man that I inspire people to be

My pen bleeds
My heart sinks
Emotions sing
But my mirror just stopped revealing

Maybe I need my own hemisphere
Just maybe

Still hoping that one day, before my thoughts finally retire
I would’ve had a firm grip on the Edge of My Desire

Andreá Fellini *2012*Copyright!

12 thoughts on “the Edge of my Desire

  1. Such havoc and mystery and angst and tension and STRONG, STRONG sense of conviction. Hm, interesting. Maybe we don’t really know anything and our being presumptious about ourselves and always thinking we know the black and white of it all really is just a smokescreen and WRONG? 🙂 Love your existential ponderings and BIG thinking, very ambitious and so well “finessed” that I’m a huge admirer of your stuff bud. Just sayin’. 🙂


  2. Pingback: the Edge of my Desire « Andrea' Fellini's …

  3. I reread this. You’ve got a long way to go dude no doubt. Great scene you make here and I can relate to having others believe in me more than I believe in myself. And believing in others more than they believe in themselves too. I could use my own hemisphere too haha Nicely done Fellini.


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