Be Careful

by

Sweet voice, green eyes, terrible singer
Pale skin, dark humor, scared of the winter

Deep soul, great cook, body of an angel
Loves gold, likes books, lingerie like an angel

All her qualities, I could go on and on
But she was taken, the feeling was so wrong

All I saw was her, she saw me sometimes
All I knew was her, she knew me sometimes

Beyond the veil of matrimony, I longed for her
She respects him only, but her love is me

The sincerity in my passion, leaves her stunned
You-me just wouldn’t work, a phrase she coined

His treasure, was never her pleasure
My loving measure, I gave at her every leisure

Runaway with me, a phrase I coined before
Don’t you ever say that again, a phrase she coined after

2 months, 6 days and a minute, the times I knew her
Can’t stay, my daughter will need me, so she grew far

Faraway, never to see me again Faraway, a mutual hurt and pain

It’s scary to trust,
Attractions are never enough,
The guts of passion, is sometimes a bluff

So please be careful, whenever you love.

18 thoughts on “Be Careful”

      • You’re welcome, I don’t really say that very often! You should write organically. A lot of writers make the mistake of thinking that the more wordy their writing is, the better it sounds, but the meaning gets lost and it is pretentious! 🙂

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      • Exactly. I left writing forums because of that. I was lost in the battle of words. To me, it sometimes drags the reader along…I want to carry the reader not drag. A friend once called it..’a symphony of words’…

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      • Oh yes, I don’t go near places like that. I get very angry. Pretentious and intellectual are not synonymous words. I have an extensive vocabulary, but it is my philosophy that you should express something in as few words as possible but with optimum meaning. That is true art!

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      • As few words as possible, with optimum meaning. That phrase says it all.

        Meanwhile, your piece on New York inspired me to write something. I will indicate when I’m done.
        Just thought I should let you know. I’m sizzling with something special cos of that poem

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      • Oooh! I am your muse then, today? I love that I have inspired you. I can’t wait to read it! 🙂

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  2. I have some thoughts on this piece. I usually approach such things with a bit more distance and certainly a lot more levity. This, is perhaps why I have decided not share my thoughts on this very interesting piece except to say that It definitely “got the job done,” as goes the saying.

    The only specific I shall state is simply this: That I understand well the story told here. As a student of history I understand it quite well, and also as a man, do I understand it. I felt very sad through this work. I think I sympathised more with the protagonist–or rather you, if perhaps the writer was also the subject of this work. I did not sympathise with the other person in this work, however I understand her, because I am quite like her, in one sense. I am not like her, however because I would not have done what she has done. I would choose much more carefully for this reason. I would not choose someone like you, but someone like me–or like her, if you will.

    I have dealt with this topic on my sonnet blog in a sense, however perhaps, not as you, but more as she. Although I would not knowingly and probably not unknowingly choose someone like you, and I never have, and for the very reason that caused the angst–the tension in this work.

    Other than that I will say it was very well written. Very serious. And though it makes me feel happy that I have never done such a thing to someone such as you, it also makes me sad enough to write something of this nature.

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    • …and I almost forgot because of this very serious subject, to thank you for visiting my humble sonnet blog which is so very different from yours. One always wonders how another might happen upon it, and there find something of interest.

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    • Your review made me read my work again. Haha. But on a serious note, I wrote it as a metaphor for all complicated stories out there. We never really get it until we are in the exact same shoes as others. And no one, I repeat….no one, is ever really in the same shoe as another person. There’s so much that puzzle in such stories. Another note: this is not my story. From my brain? Yes. But not a transcript of my life in any way. I just try hard to dive deep into these scenes as much as I can. Thanks for the review buddy.

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      • I think you dove very deeply then–and very well. I don’t often say much about the works of other, except perhaps for what I might like. I have a theory about reader and writers that I believe might even be shown to be somewhat axiomatic. In essence it is this: Aspiring writers are not normal readers, since reading is a big part of writing, and since when one reads with an eye to writing one reads and interprets very differently. As an aspiring writer, peer review is out of the question, because ones pears have questionable credentials as well as motivations which cannot be known. Therefore I never “give crit,” which vernacular is sometimes so used. Because whether I know it or not, AND whether you think it or think the reverse, my review or criticism is of dubious value.

        On the other hand, those who read and do not write, and have no aspirations to do so, are proper judges of ones work because that can tell you if something in particular contained in ones writing made sense to them or not, or meant what you intended it to mean–or not. That information is the kind one needs. Not a veritable rabble of aspiring writers (Of which, I am admittedly among)

        But for a number of reasons, which again, are entirely not credible, by virtue of my status as an aspiring writer, I was affected by the above piece. So instead of commenting on it, I chose to comment on the way in which it made me feel. Take Care indeed!

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      • Thanks for taking the time to make that crystal. It’s honorable, but I believe…. All, and I mean everyone, has a voice of review. Biased or not, it has its purpose to serve. Like a singer-songwriter putting out a song, a review from his peers should be valued as much as that of his fans. A voice is a voice, no matter the scream. I accept all voices.

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  3. Pingback: Be Careful | Andrea' Fellini's …

  4. So much excitement and risk and trade off and inequity and frustration goes into relationships and just keeping it all together, no? Nice work, great scene I felt like I was watching two jaded people up on screen dude. Interesting comments from your other fans too here I see. 🙂

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